Hair | African American Women | Minimalism

“Relaxing your hair is like being in prison. You’re caged in. Your hair rules you. You didn’t get to go running with Curt today because you don’t want to sweat out this straightness. You’re always battling to make your hair do what it wasn’t meant to do.” -Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Americanah

Hair. 

You may love it you may hate it. But it’s yours no matter what you may think of it. And believe me when you don’t have it it can make you feel like hiding under the covers and never coming out.

I’m going to take you all back to me in elementary school.These are the times when you had no control over what your mother or other adult women in your life did to your hair. My mother would wash and grease what little hair I had on my head at the time and give me two pom moms on the side of my head ya’ll. If you are a 70’s child you may remember the fluffy twisted yarn they would use as a bow. It was cool though because I didn’t really care. I mean it was washed greased and pulled up out of my way. So I could play to my heart's content. Then came the days when my mom pulled out the hot comb ya’ll. That’s when I started to truly hate hair fixing time. No, listen to me though, you had to sit still while your mama greased your hair the ran a piping hot comb through your hair. That grease would get to popping and hit you on the arm or neck. You get to jumping you would get popped with the comb for not holding still. Oww child, the burnt ears, and neck too. Then not to mention the stocking cap you had to wear to keep the style. Shoot, you probably wouldn’t have liked it either! I had to go through this til about 3rd grade. Due to my constant complaints and my mother, having had enough from fussing at me about “sweating out my hairdo” I got a curl.

The Curl, it was a lifesaver for me at the time because honey, no more hot comb! It lasted a long time so not that many visits to the beauty salon had to be made. But it did require a lot of juice..ie moisturizer. Which was good at first til I ran out. See we didn’t have a lot of money back in the day to constantly get that moisturizer when it was needed. So sometimes I made due with grease. I wasn’t very imaginative at that time so I couldn’t think of anything else to moisturize with. Within a two year span, the Curl went from being the best thing ever to the worst. It began to break off due to not having the resources to keep it moisturized and maintained properly. It became so knotted and kinky I considered cutting it all off and doing the boy thing.

When I reached middle school I was still struggling with the Curl ya’ll. At a time when you worry so much about your appearance. Children picked on me I became depressed and sought refuge in books.Those years were a real struggle for me because not only was I having hair woes but I had other issues going on in my life as well. At some point, I had heard about relaxers by then so I begged my mom to let me get one. Around 7th grade, I finally got one even my brother did. This was a huge deal guys my hair was straight and so easy to manage. I loved it! But as usual, it became a problem to keep up.My mom was a single parent with three children. Money was tight so I had to figure out some way to prolong my do til the next hair appointment. I used what I had some grease, -blue magic was the main one-, headbands and bobby pins. The more my hair grew the more it broke off. This is when I noticed faking. I had no idea what dandreff was ya'll but that is what I had. It was terrible and embaressing. I never saw any length really stay. I considered cutting it off again and doing the boy thing.

About the time before my freshman year in high school braids were becoming a thing. I went to visit family in New York that summer and was introduced to this awesome new thing! My confidence soared ya’ll! I was flipping my hair around taking care of my skin I was like, Hhhhey! I wore those braids for as long as I could. But they had to come out. Then came the struggle of trying to make my hair look presentable each day. I was so frustrated with my hair. Somedays it was ok others it looked like a nest for birds. I was introduced to weave at some point in my high school career and Ioved to play with it. Though I never dared wear it to school at first. I think it was my sophomore year I had purchased some from a hair store in New York and I wore that over and over til it fell apart! LOL! When I turned 15 things changed for me in the hair scene I got my first job! I was able to finally pay to get my hair done on a regular basis. I could purchase the products I needed to maintain it properly. My hair began to grow and I was happy with it. Until the time came, you guessed it I couldn’t get to the hair salon. The bain of my existence at that time. I considered cutting it again. Then in twelfth grade, I actually shaved the back of my head leaving the rest. It actually wasn’t very noticeable when I had my hair pulled back. Ya’ll I just wanted freedom from this hair. It was great and all but It took so much money and time to maintain.

When I graduated from school I moved to New York and you guessed it I shaved all my hair off. It was a new beginning for me I wanted to stop holding onto the thought that if I do this or that my hair would grow down my back. I did it to accept and love my hair for what it was. I left it natural then for a long time. I experimented with color more and wore it out in public. Not to say I didn’t have hair days where it was covered up believe me I had plenty hat days. But I was coming to terms with what my hair could do and not do.

Over the years I have tried many things with my hair going from natural to relaxed to natural again.I think my favorite was my kinky fro. It was thick and beautiful. It was right after I had my first child. For me, I didn’t experience the falling out stage or thinning. My hair was literally glowing folks. I loved it. Then I did the most foolish thing I could have ever done. I put a relaxer in it and it hasn’t been right since! Ugh! Why do I do these things? Then lo and behold I tried a curl again! It actually looked pretty good.Til my hair grew out some and then it didn’t look as good. Then wigs and weaves which made my hair break off and thin. Youtube introduced me to crochet braids which were a life saver. With this style, my hair grew the most and I got so many compliments. I think I would have kept wearing it if my hair hadn’t started to fall out. It wasn’t due to the style though. It was due to my father passing that caused the stress that reduced my hair to a hot mess. Stress and depression affect us like nobodies business ya’ll for real. And I just wanted to share my experience with my hair with you all. I know I'm not the only one. We spend so much money on our hair as women that we could all be driving BMW's. I mean for real do the math! And the time! Hours and hours. I'm seriously debating shaving my head again ya’ll. Because when I think about it is it worth it?


Maybe it's time to start anew. By taking away the distraction my hair has been in my life possibly I can see who I really am without my hair defining me. In turn, minimizing my time worrying about what I’m going to do about my hair. 

This was a fairly long post for me! If you are still here thanks for reading!

Love,

SweetLifeMinimalist



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